Thinking about hiring a dream coach? Try your inner child

Our younger self is the best teacher when it comes to dreaming. One question you should ask yourself if you were able to lucid dream in the past is: What was I like back then? What am I doing differently now? Going back to that curious, unapologetically authentic child we once were is one of the key lessons to learn if you want to become an active dreamer.

The Dream

I walk into my grandmother's old living room after a very long trip and I find a little girl of about five or six on the day bed by the window. My mother and my grandmother introduce her as my daughter, and they tell me they had taken care of her during my absence. I get closer to the child but she treats coldly, me as if I were a complete stranger. I try to win her attention by giving her a beautiful toy I brought for her from the future, but she barely looks at it and runs towards the bedroom. In my frustration, I turn into my spouse in tears, and as he holds me in his arms, he says gently: "You need to be patient with her."

This was the dream that started it all. This is that special kind of dream I know I do not need to record in writing to remember as vividly as if I had just woken up from it. It took me a while to figure it out, but eventually, I realized that this little girl was not a child I would have in the future or the product of my imagination; she was myself. 

The Action

Ever since I decoded the deeper meaning of that dream, I have taken upon the mission of doing everything within my power to have my inner child forgive me and allow me back into her life. Both time and a strong commitment have shown me that more than a clever move to soothe my wounded ego, this is in fact the first step in the process of healing past trauma. 

For the first time in over a year marked by loneliness and depression, I was able to be playful, buy toys, and make sure I used the power of being a thirty-something grownup living in an apartment of her own to help realize the dreams of that forgotten five-year-old I was lucky enough to reencounter in my dreams. Furthermore, I became aware of the importance of honoring the person I once were, and the actions she took to bring me here.

In this article, I will be sharing some strategies to reconnect to your eternal child self. 

Apologize, and be sincere about it

I know you have heard this story before: Girls are childhood friends and do everything together; girls become teenagers and start noticing certain differences between them; prettier girl (usually blonde) becomes popular and ditches dorky girl (usually brunette). Popular girl grows up and gets herself in trouble; dorky girl reappears as a responsible adult and saves popular girl; popular girl recognized she was a bitch to dorky girl and their friendship is reinstated with a grand gesture. This vignette is the archetypal Rachael Green/Monica Geller friendship model we have seen countless times in romantic comedies and TV series.

At this point, I am pretty sure you already suspect where this is going; now ask yourself the following: When was it that you became your cool grown-up self and ditched your dorkier child-self? 

I know it stings to acknowledge it through this narrative model, but the truth is that to one extent or another, we all did this to ourselves. In my case, the breaking point was going to college and getting myself into a demanding relationship with a narcissist much older than me. It would take me several years, a drastic change of life, and extensive therapy, but in the end, I was able to get the message; the angry little girl in my grandmother's living room was actually myself begging me to become once again the person I used to be before society said otherwise. 

Just like in the case of the two childhood friends separated by life choices, going back in time and changing the past is not an option; all you have left is coming up with a grand gesture, and a good one for that matter. Needless to say, it is up to you to realize the different actions you will need to sustain in order to win your child-self back, but writing an apology letter is always a good starting point. 

When you feel ready to do this, get your dream journal, take a deep breath, and write yourself a heartfelt letter the way a mother would to her child. Before you go down regret lane, remember this is not about making your present self feel worse, but making your past self feel better. Keep your language positive and your tone constructive. After all, this is supposed to be an exercise of love and forgiveness, not guilt.  

Embody the person you used to be

Neuroscientist Candace Pert back in the 1990s and more recently epigenetics pioneer Bruce Lipton have stated that our subconscious does not reside in our brain but in our body.  This belief is supported not only by the biochemical nature of our cells but also by the advances being made in the understanding of trauma and the treatment of PTSD.

That being said, next time you feel tempted to spend your money in a lucid dreaming inducing mask or costly supplements to take a hold of your nightmares, try using those resources to recreate the pleasant sensory experiences of your childhood. Something as simple as watching an old favorite film or TV show and indulging in that snack you remember dearly can be a fantastic exercise to awake the memories stored in your body. 

Memories are stories, and stories can be rewritten. Even foods you have avoided for decades due to the bitter memories they bring can be rediscovered in a safe and loving environment. 

A time of confinement such as the one we are living in the present offers the perfect opportunity to reconnect to your inner child. A celebration of the past can literally be turned into the most delightful private party: Listen and dance to songs you used to love; play with an old favorite toy or search for their pictures on Instagram or Pinterest; treat yourself to your favorite childhood meal without tormenting over calories or nutritional value. This experience is meant to nurture both your body and your soul, so breaking the rules just this once will not hurt. 

Find yourself in an old hobby

One of the things I admire the most about my child self is her capacity to do rather than plan; my first attempt at drawing fanart included an old notebook I knew I could use without getting in trouble and a pencil. I did not do any research on human proportion or mortify over the texture of the paper; I simply picked up my tools and transferred what I envisioned in my mind onto the surface in front of me. Did it look like the actual character I was trying to draw? Barely. Did that stop me? Not at all. Traveling into that place in my mind has become a bridge between what I really want to achieve and my limiting beliefs as a perfectionist adult. 

If there is one thing I have learned from my niece is that children look for ways to do everything their parents do with a sense of excitement and discovery; as grown-ups, we exhaust ourselves looking for excuses not to try. What if instead of allowing our attempts at happiness to be drowned by limiting beliefs we decided to take our inner child's approach? What if the painting does not look good or the cupcakes get burned in the over? Even if you post it on Instagram, chances are your friends will cheer at you for trying and you will share an honest laugh at the unexpected results. 

Turn TBT into a ritual 

It takes courage and a lot of compassion to be able to look at old pictures and artwork and replace criticism with admiration. Reconnecting with my younger self (especially my inner non-conformist teenager) has meant approaching documents from my past with the kindness of a parent instead of the contempt of a bully. It is looking at the beauty and energy past beyond the dorky clothes and the silly hairstyle. It implies looking into the hopes and dreams stored beyond a pair of staring eyes on a photograph, or in the words of that amateur poet you once were.  As insignificant as these things would look on a resume or a Linkedin profile, this is actually the material your soul is made of. See it; honor it; embrace it. 

It is entirely up to you whether you want to keep this practice private or make it public through social media or among close friends; the key ingredient to this exercise is revisiting tokens from your past from a loving perspective as you acknowledge their intrinsic value.  

What strategies have you used to reconnect with your inner children? 

Share them in the comments section!